If anyone abused the word-WHY in life, then that person is me. Until I realized that, mostly the WHY question has no meaningful answer, I laid down countless WHY anytime something bad happens.
I remember how I had to ask myself WHY my mother’s sister whom I have spend almost all my life with had to die very young each night. She was someone I knew well and at some point, some friends even thought she was my mother.
The love was great and she was more than a mother figure to me, she was a good friend and someone who cared about me-maybe because she did not have a child, she deeply took me as hers and was always there for me at.
When she died, everything around me stopped and I kept asking WHY in order to find a meaning to what has happened to me.
The worse part of it all is that, I was writing an important exam in my life when she passed away. This added another WHY to the question…It became WHY did she die so young and WHY did she die at a time when I was having such an important exam in my life?
The why question kept running through my mind and I struggled to find a sense of purpose for the unfortunate happening.
For many months, I could not piece together WHY these things happened but I believed there was a reason why they happened.
I am pretty sure I am not the only who seeks to find reason behind things that happen in life, especially the bad things with the WHY question.
But is there a real reason WHY bad things happen in life? Have you ever found a real reason why something bad has happened to you? Is there any purpose to bad things happening to us in life?
Mostly, we waste a lot of energy and time in our attempt to find a purpose for things which do not have a purpose.
I am sure you have once asked the question; ‘why is this happening to her, she does not deserve this at this time’. Such a question seeks to find a purpose to a happening, a purpose that may never exist but then because we can construct a question, we think there must be an answer…
Since we think there are answers to most WHY questions and when we struggle to find them, we eventually conjure answers to satisfy our desire of finding. But are these answers to the WHY questions really real and the truth?
In my case, I came to the answer, the reason why my mother died was because she was too good for this evil world and she had to go to heaven where she deserves. And as to why she had to die at a time I was writing my exams, I could not find a befitting answer-I came up with things like, because God did not want her to die at Christmas (she died before December).
As someone once said, the mere fact that a question can be construed in our minds does not mean there is an answer. The mere fact that a question can be asked does not mean that the question is sensible and needs to be given an answer or there is (must be) an answer…
What do you think of these questions; what is the color of jealousy? Why is England closer to France?
One thing I have come to realize in life is that, it is our nature as human beings to seek for a purpose behind anything that happens in our lives.
But is there really a purpose for such things (everything)? Why can’t things be just a common happening? Why must there be some real purpose or reason behind something bad when it happens?
If you care to know, I think things just happen and as human beings, we find purpose for them. It is us who seek to find purpose for most things.
Imagine nicely dressing up for a date you have been looking forward to and as you walk into the building where you are meeting your date, a bird drops a shit on you. You can ask WHY the bird do this to me, WHY did the shit have to drop here and at this time when I am here.
In fact, if you were not standing there, the bird would have dropped the shit anyway…And there is no purpose for the dropping. So why are we looking for a purpose for it now?
As I mature and discover more about life, I have come to understand and avoid the WHY question, instead I focus on the HOW and WHAT questions which add real value to situations.
Instead of spending months asking why my mother’s sister had to die at the time of my exams, I should have asked questions like;
How can I pass my exams at this sorrowful time?
How can I concentrate on studies?
How can I take control of the situation?
What is my future going to be like without her?
How will I cope without her?
It may be difficult for to accept that, the many WHY questions we ask have no real answers and they are mostly not worth the struggle. They add no value to any situation but rather torture our minds in an attempt to find purpose for things which actually have no purpose.
The moment you begin to realize and avoid the WHY questions, you would be able to channel all your energy to the more realistic and important questions-HOW and WHAT and in doing so, you would find yourself adding value, strength and peace to your life.
So next time something bad happens, avoid the WHY question, replace it with WHAT or HOW and you would be amazed at the result.
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